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As the month of April approached, I was often asked the question if I was ready for Kyleigh’s birthday. My response was always the same … I’m not sure if there is any way to be ready. I also expressed to some that I had a feeling I would handle her birthday okay. It would be sometime after the fact that it would hit me like a ton of bricks.
Well, I think the bricks have started to fall.

This week has been a hard one. A lot of ups and downs. At one point, I told Rodger I just felt defeated. It hasn’t been one big thing, just a lot of little things put together. I would get excited about opportunities and then they would fall through. The boys play great together one minute and are fighting the next. The boys even had a few physical fights this week, which is a new one at this house. Needless to say, I doubt that will happen again anytime soon. A lot of emotions are also creeping in due to the joy others are experiencing. This is not to say that I am not joyous for them, as well, but some days it’s just so hard to accept the fact that life goes on for everyone. Even us.

The boys have been done with preschool for a month now and I’m already experiencing the summer blahs. I miss our school routine and can’t seem to get into a new groove for summer. Sleeping until 8 a.m. is so much easier when they don’t have to be at school at 9:00. We have a few things we plan for each week, such as story time, but most days we fly by the seat of our pants. I had great aspirations. At one point, I made a list of themes for each week of the summer, full of places to go, movies to watch and books to read. It all sounded great on paper, but putting it into action is a whole other story. I found all kinds of fun kid activities on Pinterest that are just waiting to be done. I keep telling myself, “maybe next week we’ll start our summer routine.” If I don’t get with it, next week is going to be the first week of school. I do well when I have a routine, a schedule to keep and things to get done. When that goes away, I seem to fall apart in all aspects of my life.

Tomorrow marks one year since my grandma passed away. I know that also has a lot to do with how my week has been. Within the past month, we have celebrated Mother’s Day, her birthday and Memorial Day all without her. I handled all of those days pretty well and I guess you could say it has just built up within me and is ready to come out. I miss my grandma so much.

On a happier note, we took the boys to Day Out with Thomas today. It is one of our summer family traditions and this year marked four years of going to ride Thomas the Train. The weather was beautiful and we got to sit in the open-air flatcar, which was so relaxing. The boys had fun playing mini golf, petting the animals, playing trains and exploring a fire truck. I know our years of doing this fun activity are numbered, so I tried to soak up as many memories today as possible. Maybe summer isn’t going to be so bad after all.