Written on Monday, May 14, 2012 …
Yesterday was Mother’s Day, but you already knew that. It was a day full of mixed emotions. Happy one minute and sad the next. Your Daddy took me to the cemetery so I could visit you. I had been looking forward to going all week, not so much for me, but for you. I wanted you to know that I was there for you on Mother’s Day. You see, Mommy’s are always supposed to be there for their children. Going to the cemetery was the only way I knew how to be there for you yesterday. I will be there for you every Mother’s Day until I am next to you in heaven.
Oliver asked to go see you tonight, so we did. It makes my heart smile when he wants to go to the cemetery. How sad is that? Garrison doesn’t understand yet that you are in heaven, so when we go to the cemetery he thinks he actually gets to see you. They both like to walk around and are doing a very good job of being respectful when we do. Our rules are no running, quiet voices and no stepping on headstones. At one point tonight, Garrison was saying to himself “No stepping on headstones” over and over again. He understands and it breaks my heart. What two year old knows how to act in a cemetery? Unfortunately, your brother does. Both of them do.
I am glad that they want to come see you. It makes me happy in a strange kind of way. One reason is that I know we are teaching them that it’s okay to go to a cemetery and visit their loved ones. They are going to grow up with an understanding of death that most children do not have. It also warms my heart because I know that if they want to visit you now, they will want to visit you five, ten, thirty years from now. They will come visit you after I am with you and then they will get to visit us both. I hate that these visits will become routine for them, but at the same time, it is teaching them to honor and remember their loved ones who have gone on before them. That is a lesson that most children do not receive anymore and if they do, it’s once a year on Memorial Day, if that.
As we walk around the cemetery, I see names I recognize. Not too many people that I knew personally, but people your Grammy and Pa knew, friends of friends or familiar names from my childhood. One thing that is so sad to me is how many other children are buried throughout the cemetery, from babies to teenagers. That’s not the way it is supposed to be. I wonder what their stories are. I grieve for their families. I want to buy flowers for each one of them, especially the ones who don’t already have some.
I told Oliver last week that we would bring bubbles the next time we visited you. We forgot tonight. Oliver was upset about it. On the way home, Daddy suggested we buy bubbles to keep in both of our cars so we will always have them for when we visit you. Oliver liked that idea. So do I. We will bring bubbles for you next time, I promise.
I love you Kyleigh, my sweet baby girl.
Written on Tuesday, May 15, 2012 …
We now have plenty of bubbles. Your brother fell off a bed today and split open his cheek. He had to get 3 stitches. On our way out, the nurse gave us lots and lots of bubbles and sidewalk chalk. I’ll make sure some of those bubbles make it into the car for you. Love you!