As the boys and I were preparing to eat lunch today, Garrison took a tumble. I had made a stop in the bathroom before getting lunch ready and the next thing I knew, a loud thump, followed by screaming, came from my bedroom. The cries quickly made their way to the bathroom door. When I opened the door, all I saw was blood … bloody arms, hands, legs, face, wall, hardwood floor and carpet. I knew that the source was Garrison’s face and since we all know that your face bleeds more than other parts of your body, I tried to stay somewhat calm. I called for Oliver to bring me the phone so I could call someone, anyone, to come help me. Rodger and my mom were quickly summoned and on their way.

I am still not supposed to drive or lift anything over 20 pounds, but at this moment, I didn’t care. I swooped Garrison up and took him into my bathroom. Oliver helped to get wet washcloths and clean clothes for Garrison. After a quick assessment, I was able to determine that he cut open his cheek, right below his eye. I put him in the bathtub to clean him up and wait for someone to arrive. Rodger and my mom arrived just minutes apart and we all agreed that Garrison would need stitches. Since his pediatrician does not do sutures in the office, we took him to the ER at a local children’s hospital.

After about two hours in the emergency room, we were on our way home with 3 stitches, lots of sidewalk chalk, some bubbles and an orange popsicle.

I was exhausted. It was three-thirty in the afternoon and I had not had lunch yet. I was tired, hungry and on emotional overload. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to stay in the room while the stitches were put in. I told Rodger I would probably step out. I knew Garrison would be upset and that, combined with my dislike of blood and all things medical, was sounding like too much. When the doctor came in to begin the procedure, it hit me. This was my boy. He needed me. I wasn’t going to turn my back just because I don’t like blood or needles or hospitals. I had enough of all that six weeks ago, the least I could do for my son is stay in the room while they helped him. So I did. I stood at the top of his head and watched as the doctor put three stitches in his skin. I teared up a few times, but quickly composed myself, as I didn’t want my tears to upset Garrison even more.

Fast forward a few hours. Garrison and I were sitting outside on our porch swing watching Rodger mow the yard. Garrison had just woken up from his nap and was curled up in my lap. We sat like that for probably twenty minutes or more. It was the longest he has sat in my lap for weeks. To be honest, he hasn’t wanted much to do with me since I got home from the hospital. He knows I can’t pick him up and he is in a “Daddy’s boy” stage anyway. As we sat together, we hardly talked. He just needed to be held and I just needed to hold him. I savored every minute, no every second, of our time together.

My boys need me. They need me to be the best mom I can be to them. Losing Kyleigh has changed all of us. It has changed who I am as a Mom, for the better. For that, I thank Kyleigh and praise God for bringing her into our lives. She has left a void in our lives, a hole in our hearts. But I will not leave a void in my sons’ lives. I will raise them with all of my heart. I will rise every day and do everything I can to show them that I am there for them.