A few days ago, Rodger posted Did God Will Kyleigh’s Death? If you have not read it, take a few minutes to do so. It’s a long read full of theology, but well worth it. After you have read it, come back here and read my version.

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Now that you’re back, let’s be honest … that was a heavy read. I have read it several times and there are still portions of it that I’m not sure if I understand or not. Rodger is, in my opinion, an excellent writer. He has read the Bible more times than most of us reading this. He has an undergraduate degree from a local theological school. He has written many theological papers and taught several Bible studies. It’s how he thinks and how he often expresses his thoughts. Sometimes he writes/speaks of his faith in a way that everyone understands and other times it is for the Christian who is mature in their faith, well beyond their years. Neither is good or bad. Both appeal to a different audience. Both are thought provoking and personally, help me in my own faith journey.

With that being said, Rodger’s post was a heavy read! Here is my version …

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Let’s look at Psalm 139:16 …

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” New Living Translation (NLT)

“Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” New American Standard Bible (NASB)

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” New International Version (NIV)

Three different translations that all say the same thing.

God knew us before we were conceived. He saw us in his mind, his image, when we were nothing. He planned for each one of us to exist. He planned for everyone to exist. Everyone is a child of God.

He knows our days. He planned how many days we would live on this earth. I believe that life begins at conception. Because of my belief, our days begin when egg meets sperm. Kyleigh’s days began the moment I got pregnant. Her days were numbered from that point on. The days recorded in God’s book equal out to 39 weeks, give or take a few days. Only He knows the exact number of days, the exact number of hours, the exact number of minutes, the exact number of seconds. A distinction that humans make is gestational age vs. actual age. For example, many would say that Kyleigh was 39 weeks 4 days gestation. Since she was born silent, she does not have an actual age, at least according to the government. God does not go by this ridiculous rule. According to God’s book, Kyleigh lived for nine months. Even though her life was inclusive of my womb, she LIVED for nine months. Praise God that our eyes, and the eyes of many people we know and love, have been opened to this! My daughter lived! If you don’t believe me, read this My Letter to Kyleigh. God numbered our days before we ever came to be. Before we were conceived. Before our parents were conceived. Before time. Hard to wrap your mind around, huh? Me, too.

The part that is the hardest for me, is understanding how God numbered our days when his original will was for no one to die. Did God want Kyleigh to die? No! He never wanted any of us to die. It breaks His heart when we die. Within minutes of me finding out that Kyleigh had died, my dear friend and pastor, Megan, told me that “Jesus is crying with you.” He hurts when we hurt. Then I remember that God knew that man would fall. He knew that Adam and Eve would sin. He knows everything that everyone is going to do before they do it. He knows what I am going to do in 5 minutes and He knows what I am going to do 5 years, 3 months, 28 days, 9 hours, 45 minutes and 25 seconds from now. But then we ask, where does our own free will fall into this? We choose what we do, God just knows our choice before we make it. Not everyone who reads this believes that, but I do.

The circumstances of our deaths, how we die, is God’s permitted will. Our sin leads to our death. That in no way means that we all die at the direct hand of someone else. That certainly is not the case with Kyleigh and I shudder at the thought of anyone suggesting or thinking that. The fall of man (sin) led to her death. We all sin. We will all die. This again, is where it gets tricky for me to understand and even more so for me to explain.

In the summer of 2007, the wife of a close friend passed away in an automobile accident. I do not know all of the details, but from what I understand, she died instantly and he escaped with minimal injury. They were headed out of town for a weekend away and were supposed to go the weekend before, but had to postpone due to last minute obligations. I have known this friend since birth. He is a year older then me and our birthdays are one day apart. He and his family are more like family then friends. Oddly enough, I never met his wife. Her death really shook me up. I was upset for several days and couldn’t understand how something so horrible could happen. It was devastating to everyone.

In the midst of trying to understand it all, I clearly remember asking Rodger this question, “If they had gone away the weekend before like originally planned, would she have died?” Rodger’s response was very quick and clear, “Yes, she just would have died a different way.”

This was a moment of clarity for me. This was the moment when I understood that our days are in fact numbered. God permits us to die because that is the plan. God permitted his Son to die so that we can live in eternity with Him. That is also the plan for those who believe. My friend is now married and has a beautiful daughter who turned one just a few weeks before Kyleigh was born.

Could God have saved Kyleigh? Yes. Could He have breathed life into her? Yes. He didn’t because her days were numbered to exactly the days she lived.